Note: The following resulted from a few days of introspection, but is largely unedited and may be a little disjointed. I prefer to keep it that way, for now, because I feel like that’s truer to whatever it was I was trying to convey. Also, this is my blog and I can do what I want, including post inane rants. So there you go.
Writing is what I love to do. Everything from an idea’s inception to the formation and the crafting of that idea into something fun and exciting to the completion of that idea and typing the words “The End” onto a page to feeling the satisfying weight of a finished manuscript in my hands is glorious to me. Admittedly, editing is not my favorite, but even that is an illuminating endeavor.
And I have tried to make writing my life. Not just something I do as a hobby, not just something I do in my free time, but something that is part of me every day.
The thing is, however, that I haven’t been writing lately, not how I’d like to anyway.
I think that part of the reason I haven’t been writing is because I’m afraid that I won’t be able to write in the future. I know I have things to write down, that’s not the problem. What I’m afraid of is getting stuck doing something else that is NOT writing.
In essence, I would love to write full-time, don’t get me wrong, but the financial necessities of life may preclude that possibility for a bit. That’s just a reality.
What I’ve feared is that I won’t have the time to write.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve realized that this is a lie. It’s a lie I’ve been telling myself, and I’m ready to let it go.
I took a look at one of my blog posts from several months ago about why NaNoWriMo was useful for me. One of the biggest things was that it taught me that I could write no matter what, under any circumstances. That was particularly useful for me to reflect upon because, while my life is crazy, it isn’t anywhere near the level of craziness that it was just over a year ago. I’ve learned a lot since then too. I’ve completed a project that I was proud of, I’ve honed my craft. Since then, I’ve also learned that I really DO have the time.
So why haven’t I been writing?
The simple answer is “school,” and really, that would be a legitimate answer in a lot of ways. Still, it isn’t the real reason.
The real reason is that I’ve been afraid to give up the things in my life that have been getting in the way of my writing. We don’t have cable, but we do watch TV series on DVD or the occasional movie. We also play video games once in a while too, and I must admit that sometimes I need it after a long day of school and parenting.
Still, I’ve realized that I NEED writing more.
So I’m making some life changes. I’m cutting out television, cutting out Twitter (my greatest nickel-and-dime vice time wise) and anything else that keeps me from doing my homework, being with my family and doing my writing.
No matter what else is going on, I can still find time to sit down at my keyboard and click away as ideas flow in a molten stream from my brain to my fingertips. I can still find quiet moments to spend with my story, my characters, to see what each of them want and need.
No matter what else, I can still have the life of a writer.